THE NEW YEAR and the inner critic part two

We all have a rich inner life!

Let’s look at how my inner critic might approach this setup vs. my inner cheerleader/loving parent/champion/advocate (pick whichever name you like best):

Critic:

“How can you take a break when you’re not accomplishing enough already?  Rather than thinking about a break, start doing some damn work rather than speculating and worrying!”

Champion:

“A break will help you clear your mind, and you can take as many as you like.  You are inherently enough and already super-productive.  Take that as a given and see breaks as a way to help your productivity be even more vibrant!”

These were not difficult voices for me to channel–they pop right up!  So how do we get our inner champion voice to be louder, or more persuasive, than our inner critic?

OH NO!  Don’t Say It!

We’re talking about practice.

Now, I used to get the heebie-jeebies when I heard the words ‘meditation’ and ‘practice,’ because they conjured up a few ideas–BORING and DIFFICULT.  For someone who loves excitement and engagement, there are few more daunting tasks.  I used to think I didn’t like doing things that didn’t come naturally, because many things–especially schoolwork–came naturally to me (up until Calculus).  But it isn’t that.  What I don’t like is doing difficult things alone.  I need to be in community–if I feel a sense of camaraderie, that we’re in this together, then I can do hard things!  In fact, I enjoy working hard with a group.

And conversely, I thought practice needed to be hard and in a formal setting.  When teachers/trainers/mentors asked, “How’s your _____ practice?”–insert yoga/meditation/exercise/gratitude/whathaveyou–I’d feel a big shamebomb spread across my chest and slither up to the back of my neck and try to choke me.  “My practice is terrible” I’d think. But what would I say out loud?  “Great!”  Or if it was someone I knew well and really respected, “Not great,” with my head hung low.

But like meditation, practice doesn’t haunt me as much now–whether or not I do it.  In this instance we’re talking about the practice of tapping into that inner champion voice.

Last week I referenced pausing and noticing.  It’s not easy, but when you feel yourself start to worry, try to breathe and notice.  What did you feel?  Did your neck tense up?  Did your breathing slow or stop?  What threats did you identify in your brain and were they happening right now? (This is a rhetorical question–the answer is No.)  

If you’re very practiced, you may be able to just sit with that worry and anxiety until it passes.  I’m still aspiring toward that myself!  A stopgap solution, which can cover a very long-lasting gap, is to conjure a positive voice to combat the negative one, or even just redirect.

For example:  My inner critic is especially chatty first thing in the morning.  I’ll be showering or puttering around the kitchen or in the back yard with my dog and he says, “Why are you wasting time, you need to get to work!  You don’t have time to do yoga or go for a longer walk.  Why didn’t you get more done yesterday.”  And then he’ll transition to the future and its threats, his favorite topic–”You don’t have enough work for the rest of the year.  Forget about those travel plans.  What have you really accomplished so far this year?  When are going to create more offerings?  You can’t even inventory effectively what you’ve already done.  What if the economy crashes?? You’re done!”

Inner critics specialize in FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real).  Keyword: False.

When I notice my inner critic taking off, I now, through practice, have developed the ability to think “Wait.”  Like the “wait” you say when you don’t understand a concept, or are incredulous about what a friend said is happening.  As in, “Wait, Y2K was 25 years ago??  That was the year of Bush vs. Gore?  But I remember that election.”   Stops you in your tracks, right?

And once you’ve waited, once you’ve paused, your inner champion has an opening.  “Okay okay, we don’t have to worry about all those things right now, we can’t solve them right away.  Let’s just take a deep breath and get to your desk, and take one thing at a time.  The sun is shining, it’s warmer than yesterday, there’s no immediate crisis.  You can do this.”

You don’t have to be perfect.  You have the tools to encourage yourself.  And if you’re finding it hard to slowly cultivate that inner champion voice–reach out to some of the champions in your life.  Reconnect with old friends or mentors.  There are people who know how great you are, even when, especially when, you can’t see your greatness yourself.

We need you!

What’s one thing your inner champion can say that’s great about you?

The horizon is here, now.