Facilitation–Making Life Easier

As a Principal at BSCC, I wear multiple professional hats.  Coach, Trainer, Mediator, Teacher, Strategic Advisor.   

However, one of my favorite titles is Facilitator.  Why?  Because it most accurately describes my approach.

Facilitators teach.  We train.  We listen.  We share.  We speak.  We open things up.  We direct traffic.  We create both safe and brave spaces.  We set boundaries.  We encourage courage.

Easing the Way

Ultimately, I identify as a facilitator because I make things easier.  With my clients, and with many classmates, friends, and colleagues over the years, my role has been to help people find solutions with more ease.

I love making things easier for my clients.

I’ve come across approaches over the years stressing that “things aren’t supposed to be easy, they’re supposed to be hard!” or people relying on “tough love” (almost the opposite of “easy”).  Perhaps there is a place and time for these strategies, but I’ve consistently found that encouraging people, while also revealing their challenges, helps them accomplish more and in a sustainable way.

The popular notion of a facilitator is someone leading discussion in a group.  I support this notion!  Sure, I can facilitate success for individual clients in coaching, or make conflicts easier to resolve in mediation, or frame concepts so they are easier to learn when I teach or train–all of these involve facilitation.  However, through team coaching, or working with groups in the same space, I love to be in the moment validating peoples’ comments while making it easier for those with different perspectives to find common ground and move forward productively.

The Bottom Line

The conclusion that this easing of obstacles, roadblocks, mishaps and unanticipated trouble leads to a strong bottom line is, to me, obvious.  I’ve seen it time and again, and clearly the more efficient and productive a company is, the more harmoniously it will make a profit.  Similarly, the more self-compassionate a person is, the more harmoniously that person will grow.  But if it isn’t obvious to you, or if you think we just need to do it the hard way because people will not see eye to eye, consider this: 

What challenge at work or in your life has been persistent?  Are there any relationships or projects that feel disorganized or where you keep hitting a wall?

What if someone could come in and create a glide path, helping you navigate turbulence, and land safely at your ultimate goal?  What if it was easier to reach goals, reap rewards, and be productive and in sync as a team with outside help?

That’s what our team of facilitators at BSCC can do for you.  Make things easier for yourself!

What You Bring

I hate bragging.  Tooting my own horn.  I worry that it might be off key, but moreso that it might be too damn loud.  I find self-promotion distasteful when others do it; why would I do that myself?

Tell the world about you!

We live in a world where we often need to be our own best advocates.  Sometimes that can be through humility, integrity–our actions speak louder.  But often, whether looking for a job, a promotion, or even a date, we have to catch someone’s attention with verbal communication, whether oral or written.  We need to speak up for who we are.

Why do I so dislike others’ self-promotion?  Perhaps because I see it as somewhat desperate and a sign of insecurity.  Bravado, blatant self-regard–it makes me feel like someone’s hiding something.  “If you’re so great at that, I should know it already; or show me!”  Ironically, I hate having to prove myself.  I want people to automatically know I’m awesome.  

That’s not how things work.

You may be having one of two reactions at this point.  

1. “Why not?!” You’re resistant to bragging, too?  Read on!

2. “Duh.”  You already know you have to promote yourself and have accepted or even embraced it?  You can stop reading (or keep on reading if you’re curious about my analysis.)

But for the “Why not?!” people, like me, asking, “Why don’t people just know how amazing I am? My references are great!  Look at my amazing resume.  I’m a really ______ person.”  Well…there are lots of reasons.

People are caught up in their own lives, their own needs.  If you’ve ever hired someone, you know that you had a certain need to fill and wondered, “Will this candidate be able to do what I need them to?  Can I trust them?  Will they fit in well enough with the team?  Will they make my job easier or cause me stress?  Will they help me get a promotion?”

Even if we are of service to others in many aspects of our lives (parents, volunteers, friends and more) we all have to look out for our own needs first.  Will I be okay?  Will I thrive?

When you let people know what you bring, how you will be valuable to them, you help them answer these two questions with a booming, “Yes!”

Yes!, hiring manager, you will be okay if you hire me.  Yes!, potential romantic partner, you will thrive if you pair up with me.  Yes!, potential client, you will increase your bottom line and your business will grow if you contract for my services.

In fact, when you toot your own horn, you’re doing others a favor.  You’re letting them know how awesome you are so they don’t have to go look.  You’re saving them the search.  You’re making their life easier.  You’re fulfilling a need.

So, how do you do this?  Start with a list.  It may sound simple, but it can be hard to wipe away all the cloudy self-doubts on your internal windshield.  Start small if you need to, but write down what you bring.  Here’s an example:

I am thoughtful, quirky, funny.

I am wise, surprising, resilient.

I am helpful, caring, persistent.

I am a great listener, creative.

I love animals.

I can see possibilities others can’t.

I do high quality work.

I am great to be around.

I make connections between people and ideas.

I love public speaking.

I provide valuable outside perspective.

I cheer people up and support them in their pain.

Now write yours!  It doesn’t need to be perfect.  The list can change all the time.  You contain multitudes.  Set your self-criticism aside for the moment.  Just write it out.  Paste it in your office later, on your dashboard.  All the better, email it to me!  I’ll keep the list confidential.  But I want to know how great you are.  And so does the world!

Gratitude

The word is often overused, but in my case underutilized.  Recently I’ve had flashes of it amidst a new year of displacement.

Our relatively recently-purchased home is stripped down to its “studs” and “joists”–words that I didn’t even know two months ago–because a second-floor pipe burst while we were out of town on Christmas Day.

Our community has rallied around us, and I’ve felt warm waves of gratitude pour over me, despite the many stresses of trying to rebuild, and balance with all of life’s other duties and opportunities.

I am also amazed that despite being unmoored, literally, I have everything that I need.  In fact, I’m less distracted by the ujja* that made up my room.  I have shirts, pants, a place to stay.  And insurance is paying.  It’s not overpaying, but we have enough.  At least for now.

I have a lovely space to meet with clients, private and full of light.
When I stop worrying–do you ever worry?(*wink)–I’m grateful for my slippers.  The wood floors.  The fridge.  Someone else’s art on the rental house walls.  

So much of our understanding of ourselves is based on a deficit, that we need more.  A better job.  More money.  A new house or car.  More land.  More fulfilling work.  Until…blank.

No, I didn’t mean to write ______ there.  We literally get to “blank.”  There is no arrival.  Retirement could be one destination, but then what?  What do we do with that time, especially when aches and pains and medical needs might abound?  There’s always more to do.

Photo by Jackson David on Unsplash

I’ve met people who enjoy this constant striving and it doesn’t get to them, but that’s rare.  More often, once ambition becomes a key factor, or “achievement” is the goal, there is no end to that cycle.  Rather than yearning and working for what we’re missing, what if we treasure what we’ve already found?

If you’ve read this far, something in you is open enough to that idea.  And I’ve written this far for the same reason.  I’m no expert on gratitude.  But rather than focusing on the need to show more gratitude, I can notice what I have, what I have done, and that I’m here in this moment of reflection.  And be grateful for that.

This, then, is a posture we can carry into work, into relationships, into the open air.  Just breathing in is an opportunity to give thanks.  It can seem cheesy until we actually do it.  

In my coaching certification program at New Ventures West, they gave us a laminated card that said “Gratitude or Resentment.  What do I choose today?”  So easy and yet so hard.  Go for it.

*(wondering what ujja is!  Feel free to reach out to me to find out!)

Retreats

I love retreats. The bonding, the openness, the reset. It’s a place to get to know your community better and set new directions.

But as I was advising on retreat design last week, I remembered one of the reasons why a lot of people Don’t like retreats—because the goals and outcomes are unclear. The other crucial mistake many teams make coming out of retreats is not having a transparent and actionable plan for follow up.

Key questions to ask:

• Why are we having a retreat?

• What are the goals? Is every session of the retreat speaking to these goals? (the answer should be Yes)

• As a leader, what is my real agenda and how can I be more transparent?

• What is my follow up plan to make sure good ideas are valued and potentially implemented?

Pre-Production:

Why are you having a retreat in the first place? Some of your team might feel overworked and that they don’t have enough time to do their work let alone be out of the office. How will you create value for them? Incorporate their input. State why you think it’s important to have a retreat, but that you want their input on key parts of it in advance so that they have a stake.

Have a large team in which not everyone can get their “hands on the wheel” of driving the retreat? Create a written instrument in which they can provide feedback. Retreat planning takes time, but the more you invest the bigger the return!

Design:

—What are your goals?

You need to set clear goals and make sure you return to them throughout the retreat. All activities should be driven by your goals.

One example:

—Get staff’s input on plans for the next six months.

Managers often design retreats asking staff for their opinions—but then those opinions aren’t included in action. So any skeptics coming into a retreat become all the more hardened in their frustrations when a month or two passes without clear action. This will especially be the case of they’ve been to a number of retreats over the years that haven’t demonstrated their impact.

Maybe you do actually want your employees’ input, but also want to make it clear you are their leader. You were hired for a reason, right? The key comes down to Framing.

Rather than just asking for their input generally, make sure to frame honestly and transparently. For example:

“This is my plan for the next six months.* What specific questions or feedback do you have?” Thus you have established you’ve thought through the plan, but are open to tinkering with it based on their opinions.

Then later, at the end of the retreat, provide a timeline (ideally no more than two weeks), when you’ll report back on how you are going to address that input.

This is the difficult, but vital, work of management.

(* it’s important to hold retreats at least twice annually. That way you get a throughline for your work and show that you’re dedicated to pulling the staff together (building morale, get genuine input, thank them in person/on zoom)).

A retreat is a promise. The name is a bit of a misnomer, because you’re not just “taking a break,” you’re framing what could be better in your office or community. And you’re dedicated time, away from normal duties, to focus on something vital. When possible, make retreats multiple days. There is no such thing as a “half-day retreat.”

In the era of zoom fatigue, that’s challenging right? But the same principals that apply to in-person retreats are even more important online.

Pacing

People needs breaks, and they especially need a long lunch break! Why?—well the mind can only pay attention for so long. If you’ve created a highly participatory retreat, then you can build energy and momentum between sessions and the dynamism can hold participants attention for longer. But every group has introverts, and giving a long lunch break shows that you realize people need to decompress and absorb what’s happened so far.

If your retreat has a lot of lecture (not ideal), then they need even more time in between to reset their minds to absorb what’s next.

Pacing also speaks to the kind of activities you include.

—When are people on their feet?

—Are snacks readily available?

—What strategies do you have to keep people awake, especially after lunch?

—Are you requiring cameras on, and what’s the reasoning?

If you are planning a retreat with adults you must always keep in mind that most crucial of concepts for adult learners: RATIONALE. I’m not a big all caps fan, but it’s needed here. Adults need to know why you’re doing something in order to buy in.

Follow-Up

Okay so you gathered tons of great data and your team members were really engaged during the retreat! What’s your plan for carrying that good will and those action items into your day-to-day work?

Some ideas:

• Tie any action items into your larger goals. If one request was more updates on what’s happening with other teams, demonstrate how you are providing those inputs through your internal communications and remind people that this idea came out of the retreat

• Provide anecdote reminders from the retreat in all-staff communication. One of the more innovative ice-breakers I experienced at a retreat were when the two female leaders of the office set up a small psuedo-hockey rink on the conference room floor, threw on jerseys, and passed the puck with their too-large hockey sticks narrating a metaphor for our team scoring goals on key benchmarks. It was kind of ridiculous, but very memorable and an easy anecdote to refer back to when we closed in on goals set from the retreat later in the year.

• Delegate. Not all communication needs to come from the leader. Demonstrate that you are providing opportunities for staff to lead and work with team members on communications on various initiatives. This will strengthen your relationships with staff members and show that you’re dedicated to their professional development.
  

Remember, a retreat is a promise. Let me help you keep it.